For you, Deon

before midnight comes and the days is over;

For you, Deon;
I wonder who you'd be today if you'd had the chance to live your life. Its your birthday today, little brother. Just thinking of you and how another year has gone by, another year that you should have been older.You wouldn't be so little anymore! We'll have a cake (you'd better like chocolate!) if you promise to come blow out the candles?

I remember when I was little and we used to release balloons for you each year, for your birthday or anniversary. I'd like to do that again for you. I remember how I used to see you sometimes at night in my bedroom, I used to believe you really did come to visit me, slightly older each time and we'd talk for a while. It was our little secret from mum and dad! How I wish the imagination of a child was true. I wish I knew what happened to us after we die, then I'd know where you are and if I'll ever get to meet you again. I'd love to believe that but I'm scared we just end and only go on in people's memories. I remember you, I always will, I am so glad I have those memories of playing nosey nosey with you! As scary as it was being a little kid, I'm glad I was there with you. Every time they bring up brain damage in psych I'm the one with tears in my eyes for you.

I hope that somehow you knew we were there by your side, that you could feel our love and how much I wanted you to live so we could play together. Things would have been so different. It just isn't fair that you're not here to grow up with us, I wouldn't have been the odd one out dark haired and olive skinned one if you were here! People wouldn't have accused me of being adopted all the time :P

I love you and though I'll always wonder who you could have been, you'll always be my baby brother.

PS.You owe me a few million siblings fights!